Been an Up and Down Week....

It's been kinda crazy around here this week, at least emotionally. I've been up and down on this crazy emotional rollercoaster, and of course it's not been made any easier by the hormonal changes @ this particular time of the month. Going back and forth on so many things.
Other than that, it hasn't been too bad. We had our first snowfall of the season today. I have 2 court dates for the divorce and child support and whatever else they wanna throw at me. I have my youngest staying with me tonight, even though it's dad's week, and thankfully dad is willing to help make his transition easier. He stays with me usually at least 1 or 2 days during dad's week. It helps him to know that no matter what I'm still here and he can still be with me.
Have Caitlin's IEP tomorrow, so I probably won't get to see Gabe since Grandma's gonna get him off the bus, so tonight will partially make up for that. It's gonna be a busy couple of weeks...between now and December 16, I have 2 IEP meetings, an SSI appointment, Thanksgiving, helping mom and my sister move and TWO court dates. WOW...the fun part is making sure I have the gas to do what I need to get done.
At least I have all the bills paid for the month.

Last night Chad and I sat and talked for a good while, and just tried to feel some things out as far as my feelings towards my soon-to-be ex. It's weird to me to feel the way I do sometimes. But it really does help knowing that he at least somewhat understands. I just keep feeling like this is only going to last so long and then I'll be back in the same emotional boat I was in before...
On a positive note, all the kids are getting along and no fighting :) yay me!

It's Been 4 Months...

Since he decided to be on the same page as me and agreed that our marriage was finished. He moved out 4 months ago yesterday. He filed for divorce 3 months ago yesterday. Why does it seem like so much longer? Is it bad that I can still remember the look on his face before he stormed out the door the last day he was here? That I still wake up sometimes and think of something I need to have him pick up on his way home from work? I mean, realistically, I know this is done, it has been for some time. And I don't usually miss him during the day, heck I don't even always think of him during the day...but sometimes it sneaks up on me. Sometimes I really do wonder if I had tried harder to make things work instead of giving up...where would we be now?

I'm happy with my life right now, at least as far as the choices I'm making now. I'm trying to make the best decisions I can for the kids and I. Chad has been amazingly helpful as far as helping me when I feel like crying or melting down. It's not an easy time right now. I'm stuck in that limbo between being married and being divorced...stuck in between wishing I could get this over with and being afraid of what the next step will bring.

The kids are adjusting, sometimes better than others...it kills me though to see them struggle with keeping themselves in check when they don't like the way things are going. Going back into public school has been a huge adjustment for them all, I wish I could make it easier for them...hell at this point I wish we hadn't pulled them out to homeschool them in the first place.
One day at a time...