Since he decided to be on the same page as me and agreed that our marriage was finished. He moved out 4 months ago yesterday. He filed for divorce 3 months ago yesterday. Why does it seem like so much longer? Is it bad that I can still remember the look on his face before he stormed out the door the last day he was here? That I still wake up sometimes and think of something I need to have him pick up on his way home from work? I mean, realistically, I know this is done, it has been for some time. And I don't usually miss him during the day, heck I don't even always think of him during the day...but sometimes it sneaks up on me. Sometimes I really do wonder if I had tried harder to make things work instead of giving up...where would we be now?
I'm happy with my life right now, at least as far as the choices I'm making now. I'm trying to make the best decisions I can for the kids and I. Chad has been amazingly helpful as far as helping me when I feel like crying or melting down. It's not an easy time right now. I'm stuck in that limbo between being married and being divorced...stuck in between wishing I could get this over with and being afraid of what the next step will bring.
The kids are adjusting, sometimes better than others...it kills me though to see them struggle with keeping themselves in check when they don't like the way things are going. Going back into public school has been a huge adjustment for them all, I wish I could make it easier for them...hell at this point I wish we hadn't pulled them out to homeschool them in the first place.
One day at a time...
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