It's Final...

As of Wednesday at about 2:45, I am officially divorced...still not sure if I feel relieved to have it over with or not. Lots and lots of stuff in my head. Not all of it can be put down in words.
Kids are good. Nothing new to talk about there. Just trying to get my mind wrapped around things and figure life out one day at a time.

So, What Do You Do....

....when you realize that no matter what you do now, it will never be what you wanted for your life when you were younger? When you realize that all the things that you thought possible 10 years ago are now way beyond your reach. When you suddenly open your eyes and go, "where did I take the wrong turn?".

How do you change the things that you're sure can't be changed? How do you start fresh with all your dreams without feeling a sense of loss for the ones that are discarded? How do you change your expectations? Change your goals? Change the picture in your mind that tells you how things should be or are...and be ok with it, be happy with what you have, not expect more or be unhappy with what you can accomplish?

These are all things that run through my mind at night when I try to sleep...or when I wake up and can't fall back asleep in the middle of the night...my brain just doesn't seem to know that I can only process so much at a time. My brain needs to keep going to process things I suppose, but my mind just can't sometimes.

O well, back to life and dealing with all the little things that make my day crazy and interesting...

Frustrated is an Understatement...

This whole week, heck make that this whole month, has been frustrating and long and just one of those weeks/months that make me wanna scream and pull hair out. Between the ex and the kids and the man in my life...I swear life is out to get me! Get done with a bout of pneumonia and 2 kids having bronchitis and they both still have a nagging cough and 1 still keeps running fevers...
The ex keeps making things all about the "us" that used to be and how he wants me to come to my senses and get back together with him...after telling me that he's trying to get with this girl. I wish him luck, he thinks I want him back, but honestly after almost 7 months I've moved on more than he has obviously.
The guy I'm seeing...another interesting story...maybe another time :) but at least most of the time we're on the same page and he makes me smile.

I keep having interesting dreams about my childhood and remembering things that I haven't thought of for years...an eye opening experience for sure, but not always a bad thing.
Still trying to get to the point where I write every day, but sometimes I just don't have the words to express things. Hoping this gets easier...

Ok, So I already skipped a couple days...

Trying to get back to writing isn't as easy as I thought it would be...sometimes I have a bunch of ideas and can't get them out quick enough. Other times I sit and stare at the screen and wonder what to say.
Side note, what kind of twisted sense of humor does it take to schedule a divorce hearing for Valentine's Day? I mean really? It's bad enough that it wasn't final when it was supposed to be, but now I have the added fun of going to court on Valentine's...this should be interesting.
Kids are feeling better for the most part, aside from the nagging cough that won't go away. And joy of joys, we're supposed to get a snowstorm between tonight and tomorrow night. They're saying up to 7+ inches in some areas. YAY...not!

Had to Take a Break...

I'm going to try and post at least a thought every day. I've been taking a break to look at how things are in my life compared to how I want them to be.
Plus, the kids and I have been sick. Bronchitis for them, pneumonia for me. Not pleasant by any means but we're all on the path to getting better.
Today's thought: One Day at a Time...